You know when someone says “tell me about yourself”, do you ever just panic and think “who the hell am I”? That is me right now! Although I’m excited to share my journey, inner thoughts, and deepest darkest moments with you, I’m nervous to share who I am!

My name is Pandora and I was raped in 2017. But that’s not all I am. My name is Pandora and I have the best job working in the Violence Against Women and Girls sector. My name is Pandora and I have a wonderful support network made up of family, friends, my partner, and a 12 year old puppy. My name is Pandora and I am a survivor full of joy, trust, and a hope for better days!

But as I’ve just said, I am so much more than a survivor. Being a survivor does not wholly define me, it is just a part of what makes me. I am a born and raised Londoner, living at home with my parents. I love to read, brunch, and Netflix like my life depends on it. This sounds a bit like a dating profile! I guess I’m not sure what you would like to know.

Maybe why Pandora? Because Pandora’s Box has been exactly how my head has felt during my recovery – an endless mind full of fear, nightmares, and darkness and I’ve noticed the more I dived in there, the more I’ve found and the more challenges I have faced. At times, I have felt as if my mind is a curse. I would class myself as a “high-functioning survivor” – I can understand why I’m feeling however I’m feeling, I understand when and why I’m being irrational, and I know nightmares are just that, nightmares but having that understanding does necessarily take away the pain and fear. Pandora’s Box felt like the perfect fit to describe what goes on in this head of mine.

Why blogging? I’ve always had a bit of a thing for writing, it’s weird to explain because I know I’ve always wanted to do it but I’ve never done it, trained in it, or tried it. During therapy or wellbeing sessions, we know psychologists/counsellors/professionals love talking about journaling and I guess I’ve always been a bit lazy about it. How is writing what I’m angry about going to make me feel any better? It’s similar to those annoying people, who say “exercising is good for your mental health” – yeah, try telling my apathetic arse to get to the gym. However, there was a time my therapist was on leave and I was struggling, like struggling to the point I even tried exercising to clear my mind! As you get to know me more, you’ll know I have a love/hate (mostly hate) relationship with exercise. Anyway, (such a rambler I am) following the workout, I sat in my garden, it was warm July and I just could not shake the anxiety I was feeling. I pulled up the notes section on my phone and just started typing, releasing all the thoughts in my little Pandora’s Box and just kept going. When I tell you, it felt INCREDIBLE! I felt lifted. I felt light. I felt the chokehold of anxiety loosen. Now I get writing isn’t for everyone, it either works or it doesn’t but I found something that works. Whilst my therapist was on leave, I continued to write my thoughts and express those feelings somewhere. When my therapist returned, I shared the news and she was so impressed. I shared an extract of what I wrote and she actually liked it! My therapist suggested blogging can be a positive outlet and a way to utilise my “I want to save everyone” agenda. This was a couple of years ago and yeah it took me a minute to get started but here I am. Shout out Velma, the best therapist I’ve ever known ❤

As I end my pandora ramblings, I kindly ask that whilst I try to be as open and transparent as possible, you respect some aspects of my life will remain private for many reasons. Not everyone in my life knows my story and for now, I wish for it to remain that way – I bet we’ll unpack those thoughts during a blog soon ha!

Thank you for reading and sending love, always.